I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
