I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
