Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize