This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
