Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we're so committed to being not committed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
