My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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