After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
