I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
