I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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