I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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