wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
