Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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