in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
