and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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