Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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