i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
