in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
