i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
accomplished twins. life is a go
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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