This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
