If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
