Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
