Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She even gives head with a lisp.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
