The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
