hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
