hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
