how can u be prego again
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
