hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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