Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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