forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
