I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
