At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
