The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
