I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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