I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
