week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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