I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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