Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
