I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
