Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
