You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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