I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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