I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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