The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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