Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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