My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
