So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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