lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it because I queefed?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
