So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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