what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
