I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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