and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
