Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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