tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
