big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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