shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
