I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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