everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
