woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
