Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
