I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize