worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
