so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
